Amanda's Wacky World
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Amanda's LiveJournal:
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| Wednesday, May 4th, 2005 | | 11:59 pm |
So, I think I finally found a car! I'm so excited! I'll know Tuesday if I get it! I WANT IT!! | | Sunday, April 17th, 2005 | | 11:49 pm |
I've been lost in a different world without a map to find my way, now I don't know where I am
Don't know how to feel right now. I really don't. My heart has been heavy, my mind has been lost, I'm confused. I'm completely gone and don't know what to think. I want to be able to say I need some time to think, I need some time to figure out what's going on. But, I've taken that time... and it hasn't helped. So, I guess I'm saying, help me please. Help me so I don't cry tonight. It's just all getting to be so much. Current Mood: I'm here | | Wednesday, March 30th, 2005 | | 8:41 pm |
OUCH!
Car accidents suck ass!!! yeah in pain & this is gonna be too much $! Current Mood: needing badly to be held | | Sunday, March 27th, 2005 | | 10:54 am |
I hate missing good things cause of sickness
Wow, long time no write. I finally got a new computer, but I'm thinking of not using it for this. I like this live journal thing and all, but it's become an annoyance to me. Before, everytime I would come online I'd have to check it, I'd check it again in the middle of doing stuff, I'd check it before I'd sign off. I would have to update at least once a day. Now, I have had this comp for a week and it's been around a month since I had one, and this is the first time I've thought about Live Journal. Maybe I'll just update every now and then. What's new: New Job! Starting the 1st I'm airbrushing T-shirts, tattoos and henna tattoos at the inner harbor. Yeah a bit of a drive but it's nice. (Nikki: the guys said he's not sure if he'll have shifts that need to be covered, but I find out the 1st my schedual, so I'll ask him again.) Big Move! Cat and I are working on moving out this summer. We already found the place and woring on getting all the stuff. More stuff but not much! My knee is a bit better, still nervous about running on it. ETC..... O yes, I'm not in NY today cause I'm sick! ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGgg OK, yea for short attention spans! I'm outty! Current Mood:  sick | | Monday, February 14th, 2005 | | 2:00 am |
So, my mouth is finally starting to feel better. No more pain to the point of tears but I still need the percocets. I still can't eat everything I could before, but finding I can eat more than I could. If I talk too much I die! The best things to eat: soup, bananas, soft sandwhichs/ones I can squish to fit in my mouth and take small bites of, and SUSHI! Speaking of Sushi, I got some while I was at Ben's tonight. I didn't finish it so I brought it home and finally got my dad to try it. And guess what, just as I knew, he liked it. Speaking of today, Ben and I went to BMA. I haven't been to a meausame in years, I loved it. Though I wish we would have had more time there. I got some really good ideas for new pieces. I hope they work. I'm going to go back soon and sketching. | | Saturday, February 5th, 2005 | | 2:58 am |
I've been thinking about this year. I want to try to move out and get my own place by the end of the year. It's probably just going to be me and cat. But, I was talking with Greg about it and if he wants, him too. It'll be nice. I signed up for a 3rd job. I hope I'll get work. I'll be modeling at Harford and maybe for some others. I'm excited about it. I'm thinking of calling MICA and Essex to see if they need models, too. I'm about ready to do anything to get some extra income. Who knows, by the end of the year I may work with Megan for a month or two, if I really need money that is. I'm debating whether or not to apply for MICA for this fall. I want to, but I'm not sure if I'll have a big enough portfolio, one I can be proud of. I think I might and if I don't get in apply again for the spring. Anyhoo. I've had so much coffee tonight, I just can't seem to sleep. Current Mood: awake | | Saturday, January 29th, 2005 | | 2:17 am |
Roman numeral 2.57....................and a few more, why not!?
So, I was talking with Lindsay at work and we got to the topic of ex-boyfriends and the jewelry they bought us. I started to bring up psycho skater boy and the damn ugly bracelet he bought me when we were only seeing each other, not going out or even really dating, three weeks after we met. Well, we took the conversation outside for a smoke. There were skaters near us so I glanced to make sure I didn't recognize him, or at least that the one near us wasn't him. But I said his name quietly out of respect if they knew him. Then I went off on it. I described the bracelet, the reasons I wasn't fond of it and I do recall the words "ugly ass piece of shit" being said repeatedly. Then I told her about how it got stolen when my car got broken in to and I needed to find out how much he paid for it. I remember saying "he said he paid $300 for this ugly as shit bracelet!" Now, at this point in time I noticed out of the corner of my eye one the skaters that was standing near, which I didn't know was there cause I was talking to Lindsay and not paying attention, glanced back really fast. I noticed cause he was quick to move his head away and slightly downward. I looked really quick only to see that this skater had the same hair as psyco-skater-obseso boy. Then I saw his hand and noticed he has the same skin tone and stature as him as well. So, I flicked my cigarette really fast, amazingly not hitting them and bolted inside. Lindsay, was left standing there with the mood of "What?!" while I bolted for the laundry room. I yelled to her and she came back and was like "what's up?" I said I thought it was him! She and I busted in laughter cause for the rest of the night I played mission impossible trying to not let him see me but trying to find out if it was him. Which...I'm pretty sure it was. We finally came up with a plan while we were in the back which was I was going to call CRWings and have Daren, my bud, yell out his name. Since they were in front of our store we'd be able to see if he'd look. Well, when we got back up front they weren't there. So, never really found out...but I'm quite sure. I laugh about it cause it may have not been him, but I feel bad because it may have been. I think if it was that I might have killed him. I'm so glad my schedule is changing. Anyway........ That is yet another great story from work. Current Mood: head ache | | Wednesday, January 26th, 2005 | | 1:43 am |
Started out to be a good day. Went to the doc. Felt good after. He said I just need a lot of therapy, but wants to see me again in about a month to make sure. He also gave me the gift of being able to drive. Though that didn't turn out too good by the end of the night. Had hoped to see Ben, but we decided on tomorrow...or what is now today. Got news I might not be able to continue my therapy. Which SUCKS ASS cause it does help. Hung out with Panda, watched a movie, ate till I wanted to throw up. Panda, stop making me eat. My leg killed me stepping on the break when I left his place. Damn it hurt! People in my court don't know how to park, I had to park on a curve and get out in the snow. If anyone hits me they will invoke my wrath. Almost slipped on the massive amounts of ice that's seems to enjoy living on basically every step up to my house. And... Here I am. I just want to see Ben, at least talk to him tonight, but it's too late to call. My throat hurts, my head is stuffy and my eyes are stinging... Maybe a nice cup of tea and some sleep would help me. Current Mood:  blah | | Thursday, January 20th, 2005 | | 9:54 pm |
I haven't cried in a good while....
I sick of this, being cooped up here. Not being able to see anyone or drive anywhere. I'm tempted to drive around despite how much it hurts or how much it'll fuck up my knee more. I just need out. I'm losing my mind...and much more than just that. At least, I feel like I'm losing much more than just my mind. Not sure if I am though, might just be my mind playing tricks. I'm going to get to the point of creating some kind of alternate reality for myself and I'll just become a vegetable. That sounds better than where I am right now. Maybe if I take my medicine anytime I wake up, I'll just pass right back out and just not be awake though this whole thing. I just don't want to cry alone again tonight. Current Mood:  drained | | Sunday, January 16th, 2005 | | 9:14 pm |
Hydrocodone...the only comfort I have today
I'm going back to my doctor for my knee tomorrow. Probably going to get an MRI done. I'm rather scared. I shouldn't be and it sounds stupid, I know. But, I am scared. Brian, my therapist, thinks there's a possibility I might need surgery. There's another therapist that thinks I may be going down that road. The therapy is killing me and not helping much. I'm really afraid of surgery. And.....nevermind......it's not important, I'm done. Current Mood:  nervous | | Friday, January 14th, 2005 | | 3:10 am |
::quickly takes two then passes out::
So, I've tried to update over the past few days but couldn't because of this damn computer. Anyway, this is, in a nutshell, what the updates that were lost said... ~Knee may be worse than initially thought...this is not a good sign! ~Freaking out! ~Can't wait for it all to be over. ~Scared it wont be over soon. ~Have a cold, it sucks. ~Need to get out of this damn house! ~The need to drive is strong in this one! ~Hangin' with the Hodge. ~Had fun in Baltimore. ~Need to get Brian (my therapist) to get me out of work. ~Had no cell phone part of the day. ~I love you, Ben. ~Joe kicks ass! ~Panda whipped my ass at pool tonight. ~Always tired but can't ever sleep. There ya go! This was very efficient, maybe I'll do this more often. I just want to sleep........ ....... ...... I need my hydrocodone Current Mood: my head is stuffy.... | | Monday, January 10th, 2005 | | 8:50 pm |
This past weekend...the best I've had in a while
So, I had my first day of therapy today. Ouch. I can't wait till all of this is over. I've promised Ben I'll use my crutches no matter what till they tell me I can go without them. So, I'm going everywhere with them. It makes me feel good to know he really enjoys watching me play soccer and wants to see me play again. It's nice to know he cares so much about me. Sometimes you really do need to know people care. Spent Saturday to Sunday with Ben at his place. That was really nice. O yes, 28 Days Later is now Harry Potter. And, I still win...the secrete to Donnie Darko is still my own! It was so much fun. And the greatest part, Ben and I both agree, was holding each other in our sleep. Another one was when we were just sitting and talking. Hee, Hee, discussing different scars and where they came from. Lol. I have a great time whenever I'm with him. I love you, Ben. Thank you for this weekend. | | Thursday, January 6th, 2005 | | 3:10 am |
u know who you are
I have a question for you.................... Do you care about me? Put everything aside... do you care? Answer me that Current Mood:  curious | | Tuesday, January 4th, 2005 | | 2:17 pm |
What are you willing to do?
If I run though a field, I feel as though I can fly. The destination doesn't matter, the distance doesn't matter, the speed doesn't matter. Any pain my body experiences - just fades away. I get wings, slowly I can't feel the ground beneath my feet. Suddenly, my surroundings become more dominant, the colors, the shadows, the beauty of the world. This is how I felt with you. Everything was brighter, there was no ground, no pain, I had wings. It was the journey, not the destination... remember? Now tell me........................ Is this our destination? Has it been reached? Because right now, I have wings, they are torn, burned, barely anything left to me. So tell me.... What are you willing to do? Current Mood: wondering | | Monday, January 3rd, 2005 | | 11:17 am |
FUCK YOU!
I have a lot to say right now.... But I refuse to say it. I shouldn't, but I am restraining. All I have to say is......... Thank you to those who love me, and FUCK those who don't!!!!!!! Current Mood: Pissed off, hurt, so lonely | | Friday, December 31st, 2004 | | 2:52 am |
| | Monday, December 27th, 2004 | | 7:02 pm |
"a piece of ash in a storm a single leaf in a sea of trees if I shout can you hear me if I turn to you will you see me" This is my song for now...... Search by Edens Poets Well...I'm here with Ben and he's out of the shower, so I got to go Current Mood:  bouncy | | Friday, December 24th, 2004 | | 11:59 pm |
Finally Done Wrapping...............but there's only one thing I can think of
The presents are all wrapped. I'll probably be getting some good stuff tomorrow. My bet is my parents will love what they are receiving. They will both probably be shocked with some of it. (In a good way.) I get to have yummy Nanny's cooking tomorrow. So, why is it that all I can think about is you? I want to go to sleep because everything is ready, everything is set. But, I can't sleep. Not because of excitement, not because I'm not sleepy. But, because all I want to do is see you. You're what's on my mind. You're what I'm dreaming of. All I really want for Christmas is... To wake up and see your sweet head next to mine on my pillow. Feel your strong arms around me. Feel your warmth and softness against my skin. Watch you slowly wake up and wish you a Merry Christmas with a kiss. Well, one day I will get to do so. But, it's all I can think about tonight. Will you hold me tonight like you have so many other nights? I sleep best in your arms. Ich liebe dich. Ich will dich hier mit mir. Current Mood:  lonely | | Wednesday, December 22nd, 2004 | | 12:32 am |
NEW HAIR!!
I finally got highlights. Blonde highlights, with an auburn-red streak in the front, and a cut so my hair's a bit shorter than it was. I really like it. Nikki's getting naked for me tomorrow. Hee, Hee. Yes, that's right-I shall have my way with her. Anyway. Well, I'm off to bed. Night! | | Wednesday, December 15th, 2004 | | 10:31 pm |
"questionable reasoning"...........but this time it's not a poem
Where are we? What are we? Where will we be? What will we be? When? What am I, to you that is? Right now? Tomorrow? In a week? In a month? In a year? I know what you want, or at least what you say you want. I believe in it. I know I can't ask this. I know I can't and don't know all the answers. I can't even find out all the answers. Just wish I knew. Well, I'm off to sleep for a couple of hours. Then I'm going to wake up at about 1am, maybe 2. And bust ass on some artwork. It's floating in my head and I have to get it out, but too tired right now, so I'm going to nap then do it. Current Mood:  sleepy |
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